Foot, Meet Mouth Part 2 (Almost)
Me: Russell Brand is so much more handsome in person.
My friend: Yeah, he really is. I wonder why.
Me: Maybe it's because he just seems normal and natural and easygoing now, and not crazy like he always is onscr--
My friend: Shutupshutupshutup. He's coming over here.
Russell Brand: (clowns around showily and zanily and charmingly, walks away)
Me: Huh. Never mind.
Nearby lady: (fanning self) Girrrrrrl, dat ACCENT!
Foot, Meet Mouth.
(Situation--My friend and I show up to be extras in a movie. Guy she has been exchanging OKCupid messages with for months happens to be there. She meets him for the first time, they talk for a bit, he spends the entire day chatting up various chicks.)
My friend: That girl he's talking to this time isn't even pretty.
Me: Yeah, well, clearly he has terrible taste.
Me: ...Except...except for you.
Me: I really didn't think that through, did I?
My friend: Nope.
My friend: (relaying dude's text message) It was great meeting you. Since you have a boyfriend, no shame in saying your friend was cute.
Me: TERRIBLE taste.
I love to look at her and I feel for her—she’s gorgeous, she really...– I’m watching Louis C.K.’s Chewed Up on Hulu, and I find this bit about his then-wife so sweet, despite the fact that they ended up getting divorced that year.
When you’re sick and a friend says, “You look awful!” And not in a concerned or lighthearted way, just in a straight-up nasty jerkoff way. Thanks. Thank you so much. My entire head is so plugged up that I’m getting 10% of my normal air supply, traffic laws are suddenly very confusing, and all I want to do is go home and bury myself in Kleenex, but thank God you’re...
This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are...– Gary Provost (via mycrofts)
Thoughts on THG
I don’t have much original to say on the subject of The Hunger Games, most likely because I read dozens of reviews beforehand instead of going in fresh. It seems fashionable, for whatever reason, to express underwhelmed disappointment in the movie adaptation (mostly people say it was “meh” or “blah”)—at least on some of the blogs I read that are large with the...
Story telling and copulation are the two chief forms of amusement in the South....– Robert Penn Warren (via southernwriter)
ashleigheski: Failure by Laura Marling. I...
Good things: My parents, whom I haven’t seen in over a year, are flying me out to Santa Cruz in June to hang out in a seaside castle owned by my dad’s superrich childhood friend. Sobriety, a recent addiction to walking, obsessive calorie counting, and a few minutes of planks every night have made my abs visible again! They’re kind of like … an understated four-pack? ...
The next real literary ‘rebels’ in this country might well emerge as some weird...– David Foster Wallace, E Unibus Pluram: Television and U.S. Fiction (via ubiquitousamericana) CAN I BE ONE
kudzujulep: Jungleland morabbiton: The Lower Ninth Ward in New Orleans Gives New Meaning to “Urban Growth” By NATHANIEL RICH Published: March 21, 2012 “We have snakes,” Mary Brock said. “Long, thick snakes. Kingsnakes, rattlesnakes.” Brock was walking Pee Wee, a small, high-strung West Highland terrier who darted into the brush at the slightest provocation — a sudden breeze, shifting...